Oral Fixation

GLBT Fortnight in Review, March 20, 2013

BY ANN ROSTOW

Oral Fixation

I feel as if it’s the night before the big game. We are all obsessed with tomorrow’s match up, but there’s really nothing we can say about it. All we can do is continue the speculation. Well, why not? There’s always a little tidbit or two to feed our hunger. Here’s one: How will the fabulous latest poll on same sex marriage affect the Justices’ frames of mind?

Surely they (Kennedy and Roberts) can’t remain unmoved by the soaring appreciation for our legal unions now shared by our compatriots. In addition to an overall 58 percent support, the latest survey says some 80 percent of the under thirty crowd now believe in our right to marry. Indeed, the only generation that clings to tradition is the one over 65 years old. The gradual acceptance we’ve seen over the last decade or so has gone viral, mainly because so many people spent so much time straddling an impossible fence. Once they lost their balance, as was inevitable, there was only one side they could pick. After all, they were only on the fence to begin with because they had already rejected the antigay position in their heart of hearts and needed a way station.

In the last two weeks, Republican Senator Rob Portman has come out for marriage equality, making mention of his gay son in the process. Hillary Clinton, long our ally in word and deed, has issued a full throated public endorsement. True, a few denizens of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) continue to deride our love. But these are the same people suggesting that slavery wasn’t so bad and that background checks for gun owners are akin to press censorship.

The Supreme Court dislikes jumping too far ahead of public opinion. But lately, it seems as if they have little to worry about in that regard. Yes, 40 states outlaw same-sex marriage. But majorities in most of those states would have it otherwise. I still doubt the Court will issue an historic condemnation of all restrictions on marriage rights. But I’m more hopeful that they will avoid a destructive “compromise” opinion that might impede our progress for years to come. It’s more likely that they will strike the Defense of Marriage Act, while sidestepping the issue of full marriage equality.

The audio broadcast of next week’s oral arguments, on Tuesday and Wednesday, will be available online the same afternoon. We’ve got March Madness, the Supreme Court, and more March Madness. Let the games begin!

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Six Ways To Do Nothing

I was surfing for news this morning when I made a detour into the ten secrets of airline hostesses, an intriguing headline straight out of the days of Coffee, Tea or Me. As usual, I was disappointed. Hostesses hate pouring diet Coke, which takes forever to unfizz. They don’t get full pay until the door shuts, so they’re only making a couple of bucks an hour while they’re telling us to put our stuff under our seats. No wonder they’re in a hurry. I have no idea why the article was limited to female hostesses in this day and age, particularly in view of the bland revelations. But it was another reminder of my own gullibility.

I’m a sucker for anything with a list or a number. Ten foods to avoid at all costs (potato chips and margarine). Five ways to reduce stress (get more sleep and take a bath). The six worst Presidents (Buchanan and Andrew Johnson). The ones that really annoy me are the random lists of “best cities to retire” or “most fit cities” or “happiest cities.” Who picks these? The top city is always something like “Oslo” or “Greenville, Tennessee,” but there’s never a clear explanation of the analysis that produced the final rankings.

And yet, time after time, I continue to click on these tempting links. Someday I will discover that “clicking on side bars” is one of the “Top Ten Time Wasters.”

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Lake State Moving Along

Meanwhile, perhaps you’re wondering what’s new in our valiant communal quest for civil rights. Well, not a hell of lot, which is why I digress. But still, the fight goes on as must our attempt to relay the details.

I’ve been wondering what happened to stall our marriage legislation in Illinois. You recall that the state senate passed a bill on Valentine’s Day, and a house committee followed suit a few days later. After that, nothing. Apparently, we are still short the votes for passage in the house, but we continue to lobby for the final victory.

Likewise, we’re still watching the wheels slowly turn in Rhode Island, where marriage equality passed the house in late January and will be heard by a senate committee this week. En fin! Still, lawmakers are reportedly considering language that would exempt wedding-related businesses from nondiscrimination laws in the event that marriage equality passes, an offensive, bizarre and counter intuitive strategy indeed. We’re also still hoping that the New Jersey legislature can corral a two thirds majority to override Chris Christie’s marriage veto, and we have until next January to manage that feat.

Delaware is poised to launch a marriage effort, we’ve been hearing. And now, Minnesota is emerging as the next battleground. Marriage equality has passed committees in both houses, and since Democrats control the house and the senate, we have a solid chance for success in the Land of a Thousand Lakes. Are there really a thousand lakes in Minnesota? Further, is that a lot of lakes? You can’t really tell unless you know how many lakes there might be in other states of similar size. How big is a “lake” anyway?

I’ve lost track of the prospects for marriage overseas. I triumphantly reported that the French and British lower houses both approved marriage equality last month, but I continue to read articles indicating that the debate continues, as do protests on both sides. Must I really track down the political status of marriage in every European country? Are we waiting for the House of Lords to return from grouse hunting in Yorkshire? Is the French senate off skiing in Val Thorens? It’s hard enough to keep up with the Rhode Island senate and the Illinois house for God’s sake.

Oh, and before I leave this subject I should mention that the Odawa Indian Tribe in Michigan has approved same-sex marriage. And lawyers in the city of Santa Fe are considering a renegade move to issue licenses to gay men and women, given the fact that there’s no specific state law on the books that forbids it.

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He’s So Humble, He Never Thought The Song Was About Him

So, much is being made of the fact that the new Pope does not support gay rights, which is like being upset that Paul Ryan wants to turn Medicaid into a block grant. I also read an article about how Mr. Pope, whose original name I forget, urged the Argentinian government to offer civil unions instead of marriage equality, which was supposed to suggest that the man was a pragmatist. Whatever. I have nothing against the Pope, but I’m not looking to him for leadership in our fight against discrimination. And if he has any chinks in his antigay armor, they are minor dents at best. Frankly, I’m just happy that the smarmy media adulation appears to be over and done with.

And in completely unrelated news, I’m sure you read that Michelle Shocked made antigay comments at an Oakland concert, and the rest of her tour was immediately cancelled by almost all the various clubs on her schedule.

First of all, how come Michelle Shocked is still doing tours? I remember she was around a quarter of a century ago, and she wasn’t that great back then. Cher and Madonna might get away with careers that span decades, but Michelle Shocked?

But second, the fact that her tour was essentially shut down by a dozen different decision makers is the most telling sign that antigay rhetoric is approaching the social disfavor of racism. I hope the Supreme Court took notice.

And to continue my theme of unrelated items, did you hear about the organization that bought the house across from Fred Phelps and painted it in rainbow colors? The $81,000 house in Topeka, Kansas, will be dubbed the “Equality House,” used as a center to fight bullying, and finished off with a giant rainbow flag. Phelps’ daughter Shirley said she loves the new attraction, which will only serve to highlight the evils of homosexuality.

Meanwhile, two of Phelps’ grandchildren abandoned the family compound last month as they began to realize that their grandfather was insane rather than prescient. Two of Shirley’s daughters, Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper, issued a public statement apologizing for their role in various protests and pledging to “try and find a better way to live from now on.” It’s worth a search to read Megan’s articulate and touching letter.

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NOM Gets No Love

I didn’t really follow the CPAC conference last week, but you couldn’t help stumbling over that smug video of Sarah Palin chugging a big gulp and basking in some increasingly rare attention. Poor Palin has had her fifteen hours of fame. But you know what? Her time’s been up for a few years now, and she seems to be the only one who understands this sad state of affairs.

I recommend a trip to BuzzFeed to compare the photographs of the empty room at the National Organization for Marriage’s CPAC presentation and the packed house at a panel on changing the conservative stance on gays. According to Chris Geidner, NOM’s Brian Bond spent most of his time complaining about how badly he and his fellow anti-marriage activists were being treated these days, called bigots and the like. Even at CPAC, of all places, the age of hate seems to be slowly coming to an end, the audience dwindling, the applause quieting to a smattering of claps.

Speaking of Bond and NOM, the group is planning a big protest on the national mall this Tuesday to correspond with Day One of the High Court’s marriage arguments. It will be interesting to see how many followers turn up.

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What’s The Matter With Kansas?

Have you noticed that it’s always “Ford Truck Month?”Is it my imagination? I think not. And while we’re off the subject of LGBT-ness, what do you think of the fact that President Obama fills out his NCAA bracket in public? I think it’s a refreshing change from public figures who insist on maintaining an unbiased posture on the theory that they will anger one side if they announce a preference.

That said, as a Jayhawk by marriage, I’m pretty disgusted that the man couldn’t support Kansas beyond the first three rounds.

Finally, all credit to Tyanna Slobe at the Rocky Mountain Collegiate, who cut to the heart of the problem with the elementary school mandarins who forbid a six-year-old transgender girl from using the restroom. Stop sexualizing transgender children, wrote Slobe flatly. And she’s right. It’s not simply that trans kids deserve respect and recognition. It’s also the implicit notion that the mere fact of being in a bathroom creates some weird sexual tension and that small children contribute to this freighted ambiance. Really?

A lawyer for Eagleside Elementary told the media “I’m certain you can appreciate that as Coy grows older and his male genitals develop along with the rest of his body, at least some parents and students are likely to become uncomfortable with his continued use of the girls’ restroom.”But in fact we do not “appreciate” this speculation. Who knows how Coy will decide to deal with puberty? What we can anticipate is that Coy will continue to act and dress as the girl she is, and that rather than parade around naked in the restroom, she will use the stalls like everyone else.

I thank my dear reader, N, for the observation that the lawyer’s name is “Kelly Dude.”

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arostow@aol.com