Granite State Yawn Fest

GLBT Week In Review for January 11, 2012

BY ANN ROSTOW

Granite State Yawn Fest

So, it seems as if the die is cast and Mittens will be our electoral opponent this year. That said, we have seen several bizarre twists and turns in the GOP primary race, so who knows what lies ahead? Personally, I’m rooting for a bunch of creepy third party candidates to crawl out of the woodwork this spring and summer. Maybe Trump. Maybe Buddy Roemer. It’s too much to hope that Ron Paul or Sarah Palin will join the fray, but one can dream.

I’m watching political TV this morning, the day after the tedious New Hampshire primary. I was banking on a little more drama, weren’t you? Maybe a tie for second or a controversial speech. I did appreciate Jon Huntsman’s weird rambling set of remarks. It’s kind of hard to rally the troops after spending half a year campaigning in New Hampshire and ending up with 17 percent of the vote. But Huntsman made it look even harder, sounding like a nervous high school kid auditioning for the school play in a forced monotone.

“I think we’re in the hunt!”

“We’ve got a ticket to South Carolina!”

I’m surprised he didn’t pull an imaginary train whistle, make a tooting sound and tell everyone to “hop on board the train to victory!” Good luck on that journey, Governor. I used to sort of like Huntsman, but he got a little self-righteous at the end, and none of us appreciated his pretentious use of Mandarin phrases. Show off.

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Sausage Factories Up and Running

But enough of that. It’s time to don our gay attire and dig into the GLBT news barrel! I’m wearing a green plaid pajama top and rainbow Capri pants. You? Oh for God’s sake. What if someone comes to the door?

First, we have new fire in our bellies to pass marriage equality in various legislative sessions. In New Jersey, our side has already introduced a marriage bill, which actually has a decent shot at passing. The question is: what will Chris Christie do if or when the law arrives on his desk? In the past, the plus-sized governor has been against marriage equality, and I’m not sure anything good befalls ambitious Republicans who sign gay rights bills so I’m rather pessimistic. Still, I suppose we’ll climb that mountain when we get to it.

Over in Washington, Governor Gregoire has announced her unequivocal support for full marriage rights after a history of wishy washing. Yay! We’ve had trouble getting majority support for marriage rights in the Starbuck State legislature in the past, but that’s no reason to hold back in the current session, which ends in early March.

We’re also going to give Maryland another shot. You may recall that last year, we came so close to a marriage bill that we could read the four-point type on the bottom of the page without our reading glasses. We passed marriage through the crucible of the state senate but subsequently bungled our chance in the house of delegates, which was supposed to be a cakewalk. In the end, our side shelved the bill without a vote in order to preserve our future chances.

And that future has arrived!

I’m not sure exactly what we did wrong last time around. But I certainly hope we’ve learned our lesson and don’t do that dumb thing again. In Maryland, where the session ends in April, we have a friendly governor, Martin O’Malley, so that’s good. Exciting even. Can you feel it?

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GLAD Tidings

I recently got an email from the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD) informing me that oral arguments in our big challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act will not be held before the U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit until April.

April!

I was counting on this case for news fodder starting in a few weeks, and now we have to twiddle our toes for another three months. Could these federal appellate courts operate any slower? It must take them an hour to boil a three-minute egg.

GLAD also mentioned that they are expecting a lower court decision in the Connecticut-based Pedersen case shortly, maybe in February. Pedersen is one of two DOMA challenges filed in federal courts that fall under the jurisdiction of the Second Circuit. The other one is an ACLU case, lodged on behalf of New York widow Edith Windsor, who was forced to pay $350,000 in estate taxes on her own property after the death of her legal wife. I think Windsor will be decided pretty soon as well since both cases were filed on the same day.

But what do I know? Maybe I’ll actually check up on that (later).

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Blast From the Past

I was just searching for more scintillating GLBT news on Google, when I noticed several stories listed under the “gay” archives, specifically three articles from 1914, 1944, and 1966. Interested? Of course you are!

Turns out that the Belgian troops near the front lines in Louvain remained in high spirits in August of 1914, even as the Germans advanced from the north. The little town was quite gay, with soldiers drinking beer at the sidewalk cafes and milliners’ shops displaying the latest hats for the late summer tourists they would never see.

The intrepid reporter noted, however, that farmers were burning their mature wheat crops and booby trapping the forests in anticipation of the encroaching armies. A German plane appeared on the horizon and flew over the town square without incident, causing drinkers and retailers alike to hold their breaths in fear for a moment before the, ah, gaiety resumed.

Fast forward 30 years and it was the mood in Paris that turned gay as allied forces continued their months-long breakout from the Norman beachheads. The rumble of gunfire was heard for the first time outside the French capital as the allies approached, led by the free French. In the city, transportation services were halted, fuel supplies were unavailable and the police were on strike. The Germans were retreating, the churches were filled to capacity, and concerts were playing at the Palais Royale.

And in 1966, 33-year-old Gay Brewer outlasted Bruce Devlin and Jackie Cupit to win the Pensacola Open by three shots at 16 under par. The victory netted him $10,000. You go, Gay!

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Buddy Didn’t Fool Us for a Minute

So, what else is new, you ask? I can tell you that Kristy McNichol has come out of the closet. She was Buddy, the teenaged tomboy on the serial drama “Family” if memory serves. You remember, right? Sada Thompson was the mother and Buddy may as well have had “baby dyke” written on her forehead. McNichol was also in “Empty Nest,” and has been with the same partner for 20 years. Hmmm. Has she actually been in the closet all these years? Or did her celebrity card lapse to the point that no one was pressing the point. Either way, welcome to our world Kristy!

I also read about a ruling by an Iowa state judge, who told the state to issue an accurate birth certificate to the child of two married woman. Oddly, the Ethanol State bureaucrats had named only the biological mother, even though Mom was legally married to the woman who should have been listed as parent number two. True, the wife did not make a genetic contribution to the little one, but genetic ties are not mandated for husbands, who are legally designated as fathers when their wives give birth. The same respect is due the wife of a new mother, said the court. So there!

Oh, and here’s something else that pops to mind. I left my news list on a table and don’t feel like getting up and checking it, but I do remember reading that gay activists in Australia are planning to protest the annual appearance of uber-homophobe Margaret Court at the Australian Open later this month. Margaret Court, of course. is one of the greatest female tennis players ever to grace the Rebound Ace, and one of the most vicious anti-gay commentators I can think of in the world of has-been athletes. Her hostility towards gays and lesbians (and I assume towards bisexuals and transgenders) is based on extreme fundamentalist religious views. At any rate, our mates down under plan to do something to manifest their displeasure with the woman, as well as the tennis court that bears her name in Melbourne Park.

Speaking of Australia, marriage equality is going nowhere in the Aussie Parliament even though the Labour Party officially endorsed our cause a few weeks ago. The lack of action was expected, but I thought I’d mention it just in case you were dying of curiosity.

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Straight Weirdo Sues Avis for Gay Group Discount

I’m not sure this next story is true. It comes from the Courthouse News Service, which looks legit, and concerns a mad Arizona woman who has decided to sue Avis because she did not qualify for the car rental company’s International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association discount during a trip to San Diego.

Lynn Evenchik is filing a class action suit in federal court in southern California, claiming she (and others similarly situated) have been discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation by not receiving the bargain rates. The unfair treatment, says Evenchik, violates her civil rights under California’s Unruh Act.

Hello? Did I mention that Evenchik is not a member of either the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association or the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (which also gets a discount)? I’m not a member of either group myself, and I am assuming that even though I am gay, like Evenchik I do not qualify for the special rate. Is Evenchik suggesting through her litigation that Avis should not be allowed to include GLBT groups among its discount programs? That would seem to be the only coherent argument to emerge from the facts.

A little digging confirms that Ms. Evenchik does indeed exist, and she has recently filed a lawsuit in California’s southern district. She is a fifty-something travel agent, and I’m sorry to say her father died a few months back. Our condolences for that.

I suppose Lynn herself is not to blame for an astounding ignorance of the law, but what can you say about her attorney? It seems as if she has hired a securities fraud expert named Eric Benink to represent her. Does he not realize that offering a discount to a professional group does not constitute “discrimination” against those who are not members of said group?

I could read the complaint if I subscribed to “PACER,”whatever that may be. But I don’t have the energy to figure it out, and I can only hope one of my lawyer readers will follow up on this obsessed individual, who is also seeking a jury trial and claiming personal injury.

The story intrigues me because I wonder what triggered the profound level of outrage required to pursue this incident into the court system? I mean, think of the thousands of GLBTs who encounter real discrimination every day without literally making a federal case out of it. And yet here we have a possibly disturbed woman who discovers that members of a gay professional association are saving 20 percent on their Avis rentals, and she goes ballistic. Is she a self-loathing lesbian? A fundamentalist? A simple whack job? Enquiring minds want to know!

Note to the under-50 generation: if Evenchik succeeds here, you can all sue Hertz for their discriminatory age-based AARP deals. Mr. Benink will take your case.

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Ann’s column appears every week at sfbaytimes.com. She can be reached at arostow@aol.com